I'm Already There
by Walkinthegarden
Summary: Ezra didn't want his family to see him die. So he had to take matters into his own hands. Warnings: Suicide due to illness, Character death


**A/n I wrote this before Wilden died and before we found out Ezra was -A, so discount all that.**

* * *

_He called her on the road__  
__From a lonely cold hotel room__  
__Just to hear her say I love you one more time_

Ezra sighed, his heart hurting as he got out of the cab in front of the cheap pay-by-the-hour motel. He paid the cab driver and entered the office.

"May I help you?" the man at the counter asked, not meeting Ezra's eyes.

"One room please," he told the man, handing him enough money for the night. The man didn't say another word, handing Ezra a key before returning to his book. The former teacher gave the man a polite nod before disappearing out the door to find his room.

The sky was dark despite it's relatively early hour. The city noise clogged his ears and the lights blinded his eyes. He spotted a couple call girls servicing a couple of Boston's finest in their cursors. Slowly he shuck his head and entered the room, shivering slightly at the cold. At fifty bucks a night he hadn't expected heat but it would have been nice. He didn't take off his coat, instead he stood in front of the mirror, wondering how everything could have changed in such a short amount of time. He took in his red rimmed eyes, his yellowed skin, and visibly thinner hair.

He stepped back, unable to look at himself any longer. He moved to the bed, sitting down next to the side table. He picked up the phone and punched a familiar number.

"_Hello?"_ came the voice of his beautiful wife.

"Aria."

_But when he heard the sound__  
__Of the kids laughing in the background__  
__He had to wipe away a tear from his eye_

Tears filled his eyes as he heard the voice of his daughter in the background, squealing in delight at something her brother had done no doubt. What he had done to deserve such beautiful children he'd never know.

Alison was three years old with all the charm and beauty of an angel. She had dark blonde curls the doctor assured them would darken as she got older and deep hazel eyes that matched her mother's. She loved simple and elegant things, turning her nose at her mother's or Aunt Hanna's fashion, much preferring her Aunt Spencer's refined and sophisticated taste. She hated Barbie, instead going to her piano books and porcelain faced dolls. She was sweet and kind and loved no one more then her brother.

Rickon, named after his father, was most definitely his father's child. At five years old he loved to read. He asked for books and music for Christmas, instead of dinosaurs and trains. He had his mother's dark brown hair but his father's curls and his grandmother's green eyes. He was fiercely protective of his little sister, always holding her hand even if there was no danger in sight. He lived to entertain her, playing with her and tickling her.

He and Aria had done well for themselves. It was to good to last.

_A little __voice __came on the __phone__  
__Said "Daddy when you coming home"__  
__He said the first thing that came to his mind_

He smiled as Aria tried to shush his two determined children. He chuckled lightly, imagining them pulling at their mother's skirt.

"_Fine,"_ she finally huffed, _"Ezra, the monsters want to talk to you."_

The line was quiet for a minute as the phone was transferred from one ear to another.

"_Daddy?"_ Alison's voice questioned in a voice so innocent it could only come from a child.

"Hey princess, are you being a good girl for mommy?"

"_Of course!"_ she exclaimed, offended he would dare suggest otherwise. _"Rickon's here too."_

"_Hi daddy!"_

"Hey little man, are you watching out for your sister? I need you to be a good big brother and watch over her… always."

"_I will daddy, always. Daddy, when you coming home?"_

Ezra held his breath a moment, trying to hold back the waves of tears he could feel coming. How was he supposed to tell them he was never coming home, that he was going to die here tonight.

_I'm already there__  
__Take a look around__  
__I'm the sunshine in your hair__  
__I'm the shadow on the ground__  
__I'm the whisper in the wind__  
__I'm your imaginary friend__  
__And I know I'm in your__prayers__  
__Oh I'm already there_

"You know, I'm already there," he told them, silent tears trailing down his cheeks. "I'm always with you; from the sunshine in your hair to the shadows on the ground. Remember how I made you two listen to the wind? That's me, that's me talking to you, letting you know I love you. I'm always there next to you like an imaginary friend. I'm already there baby, always."

"_I love you Daddy,"_ they said in unison, smiles undoubtedly on their faces.

_She got back on the phone__  
__Said I really miss you darling__  
__Don't worry about the kids they'll be alright_

There was a silence over the receiver. He could hear the quiet shuffle as his wife took the phone from his protesting children.

"_They miss you. I miss you,"_ she finally said, her lovely voice sad. She knew what he was doing, what he was going to do. She wasn't going to stop him because she knew why he was doing it. He didn't want to die a slow death in front of them.

"I know," he whispered, choking slightly as he held back sobs. He didn't want to die.

He heard Alison's laugh again followed by Rickon's. He wondered what they were doing. He wondered what would happen to them. How would they react to his death? The death they knew nothing about?

"_Don't worry,"_ Aria's voice assured him. Of course she knew exactly what he was thinking. _"The kids'll be alright."_

"I know I just…"

_Wish I was in your arms__  
__Lying right there beside you__  
__But I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight_

"Aria… I…"

"_Shhh,"_ she soothed, _"I wish you were here. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and lay down next to you. I'll be in your dreams, you'll be in mine. I love you Ezra."_

"I love you too Aria, always. Never forget how much I fought for you, how much I loved you. I love you, the children, my family," he told her.

"_I love you so much. Good… goodbye Ezra."_ He waited till he heard the soft click and the dial tone.

He broke. His shoulders started to shake and the sobs spilled out of him. He didn't want to die. He didn't want to leave them but at the same time he didn't want them to watch him die. His liver was failing and he couldn't get a new liver because the sickness killing his liver wasn't something that could be cured. He was going to die a slow and painful death and his wife and children were going to have to watch. His children would spend the better part of the next year sleeping in hospital chairs and getting cared for by sympathetic nurses. He wasn't going to do that to them. He wanted them to remember their strong daddy that still had the energy to play with them.

His hands trembled as he picked up the black gun that he'd picked up at a pawn shop. He didn't want to die.

_And I'll gently kiss your lips__  
__Touch you with my fingertips__  
__So turn out the light and close your eyes_

He laid back on the bed, tears streaming down his face. He closed his eyes and imagined Aria. He imagined her next to him, kissing his lips then his eyelids. He imagined her fingers sliding down his shoulders, the back of her hand scraping against his slight stubble.

He pressed the gun to his temple, the words of his son echoing in his head.

"_Daddy, when you coming home?"_

"I'm already there," he whispered, his finger squeezing the trigger.

_I'm already there__  
__Don't make a sound__  
__I'm the beat in your heart__  
__I'm the moonlight shining down__  
__I'm the whisper in the wind__  
__And I'll be there until the end__  
__Can you feel the love that we share__  
__Oh I'm already there_

The doorbell rang. Aria let out a sigh, she'd been expecting this since her phone call with Ezra the night before. A part of her said not to answer, to go on pretending that Ezra would be coming home soon.

Alison chose for her. The beautiful blonde skipped to the door, holding her brother's hand tightly the way the original Alison never would have. She opened the door before Aria could stop her, revealing the man in a suit.

Aria froze as the man kneeled down in front of Alison. She saw him take in her blonde curls and angel face and hazel eyes. He saw the flowers twined together in a crown on her head that Rickon had made for her and the cream colored dress that elegantly fit to her torso before flaring out at her waist. With a sad sigh he gave her a soft smile.

"Is your mommy home, princess?"

"Mommy!" Alison called over her shoulder.

Aria snapped out of her trance, stepping forward to see the man she hadn't seen since the original Alison's death came to a close.

"Detective Wilden."

"Kids, go to the play room."

Rickon nodded and took Alison's hand before leading her up the stairs.

"What are you doing here?" she asked quietly, the tears already choking her.

"I asked if I could be the one to tell you. I put you and your friends through a lot, I thought maybe it'd be easier if you could hate the person that told you." Wilden looked pained, like what he was about to tell her really was hard for him.

"Wilden," she hissed, tears pooling in her eyes, "Why are you here?"

"Ezra was found in a hotel room in Boston. Looks like a suicide."

_We may be a thousand miles apart__  
__But I'll be with you wherever you are_

**Ezra Fitzgerald**

**Loving Husband, Father, Brother, Son**

Her dark hair blew gently in the wind as she stared down at the grave that she'd visited every day since his death. She stood there in a purple tank top, dark blue skinny jeans, and a black leather jacket with matching boots. She had a book in her hand, _Romeo and Juliet_ a book that Ezra used to read to her at night.

She didn't cry anymore. She stopped crying a long time ago. She's spent to much of her life crying.

He was gone, stolen from her far to early. She wasn't sad anymore, she was angry. She was angry he'd gotten sick. She was angry that his death and torn her family apart. She was angry that he wasn't with her anymore. He couldn't hold her anymore, protect her from the world around her. She was angry that he stole an additional year from her by killing himself.

She felt a hand slip into her own. She didn't smile or acknowledge her visitor, but she did squeeze his hand in acknowledgement.

"Time to go," he told her gently. She nodded. She may hate him but she didn't want to leave him either. She didn't want to break her tradition of visiting every day.

With a quiet smile she turned, finally acknowledging the man at her side.

"I still miss him."

"Of course you do, he's our father," Rickon told her, kissing her forehead. "Come on."

Rickon squeezed her hand as he led his sister to her car. Their mother was already in Boston with Spencer and Toby, setting up Alison's dorm room at Harvard where their Aunt Spencer was working. Rickon had of course insisted on driving up with his little sister alone. He wanted to pass on his freshman in college wisdom as he'd done her first day of kindergarten, middle school, and high school.

Just as the two were about to step into the car, Alison stopped and though she'd chalk it up to an overactive imagination, she could have sworn she heard her father calling her name.

_I'm already there__  
__Take a look around__  
__I'm the sunshine in your hair__  
__I'm the shadow on the ground__  
__I'm the whisper in the wind__  
__And I'll be there until the end__  
__Can you feel the love that we share__  
__Oh I'm already there__  
__Oh I'm already__  
__There_


End file.
